Monday, 28 January 2013



Not Under The Pine Press - January 2013

An interesting new approach to the popular Lottery, oft known as the 'idiot tax', was announced today by a spokesperson from the Ministry of Lottery and Gaming. There will be a new game launched in 2014 that will be marketed as a charitable donation, therby making it a tax deduction. The only difference from the current Lotto set up - nobody will actually win the jackpot. Even with this drastic change the Ministry believes this could be a winning situation for many of those that play the Lotto on a regular basis.
Spokesperson Annie VanReebee explained, "the current set up of the regular lottery is about half the proceeds going to charity and the other half going to the winning number. In 2014 we will be launching a new gaming option where one hundred percent of the money will go to charity. Since all of the money is going to a charitable cause it would be considered tax we all know, most frequent users of the Lotto are never going to win the big Jackpot...with this new option at least the money spent can be used as a deduction on their tax return...charities win and the Lotto losers win as well."

This revamp was initiated after a survey of Lotto players found that :
  • a vast majority never win more than a free ticket
  • a majority agreed with the term 'idiot tax'
  • a strong impression there is social pressure to purchase tickets in order to be able to complain while hanging around the water cooler at the office
  • buying a ticket is a family tradition
An official name for this new game has not been announced. Currently, the press is referring to it as the Loser's Lottery.
10:15pm | Ottawa | NUTPP

Wednesday, 23 January 2013



 Not Under The Pine Press - January 2013

It is not all that well known, but, it is a tight real estate market for those looking for a move-in-ready $100 million plus house, with acreage and a helipad, in the Saskatoon area. As found out by new money, and new resident, Mr. Bloom.
Mr. Bloom has recently sold a large plot of land in Northern Alberta to an unnamed oil firm for an undisclosed amount (which Bloom has hinted in the hundreds of millions) and has decided to move closer to family in the Saskatoon area.
His search for suitable housing has been unsuccessful so far.
"I don't think I'm being unreasonable," Mr. Bloom claims, "and my real estate agent agrees - she just keeps telling me it is a tight market right now."
Bloom is currently crashing on a friend's futon in a small midtown apartment. Bloom explains the situation, "you really hate to rent a place and risk losing that first & last month's rent. Especially considering my initial expectations when I came to town - a week, maybe two 's what I told him." 

That was three months ago.

Bloom has already lost out on two bidding wars.

The lack of supply in the $100 million plus market has made Bloom widen his search. "I'm even willing to look into the single digit million market if need be." However, Bloom is holding out for the time being explaining that, "these properties tend to be lacking helipads...and I just don't want to have to put one of those things in. You never make that money back."

Bloom's futon loaning friend has given him one more week, then if not successful, it is on to family. "Ya, I have a sister in town, but, she has kids and a cat. I'd hate to disturb the cat."

- 3:15pm | Saskatchewan | NUTPP